Stories from Africa: Rural South Africa - Lessons learned

This will be my last post about my outreach to Rural South Africa.

It is always interesting a year after the fact to look back and see how something changed you or grew you in some way.

The Rural Outreach by far was the most physically challenging for me with three kids to take care of, ministry to accomplish and our first team to learn to live with and love. (Picture at Right - Trust in God Church in Mabarhule, South Africa)

I look back and really only remember that - "The Family" made it.
We survived for 17 days with all 5 of us in a tent. (Our tent was the one on the right side of the photo at left.)
We did ministry - and made an impact on the people around us.  Could we have done somethings better, or differently - yeah.  Was it hard, yes, was it fun, yes, was it interesting yes.  Would I do it again - yes!  Wow I don't know if I would have said that the day we left.

We left by the way on my 8th Wedding Anniversary - waiting for the base van to come pick us up.  We had all the tents and camp packed by 10 am and then proceeded to wait until 6 pm and the pitch black night before we got ourselves into the van for the 6 hour ride back!   That was a frustrating day.

Now almost an entire year later - I look back at that whole experience as such a time of growth, uncomfortable as it was - it really showed me that we could endure through anything.  Is that my ministry of choice?  I don't think so - I would rather live in a two bedroom cabin then a tent full time.  But cooking over a fire wasn't too bad - of course I did have a team to help carry the load.  Alone as a family might be a different story.

I am curious as I look into the future what I will see as the benefit of the waiting we are doing right now. The changes we are facing the new direction we are going and the ministry that seems to be waiting for us.

God is so interesting in how he challenges our perception of what he wants us to do with our lives.  How he calls us to obedience and then just asks us to trust Him through it all.

Are we willing to be sent?  If so are we willing to go where he calls us to go.

I am a planner by habit - I like to see my life stretched out before me and kind of have a good idea of how it will all play out.  I can change, but I don't really like change to happen to quickly and I like a bit of a warning.  God continually calls me to stop that planning to put my trust entirely on Him and if I can trust him here in comfy Aberdeen, South Dakota then I really should be able to trust him anywhere.  Out of comfort in Rural South Africa,  in comfort of the expected path of ministry, and "Oh," in the unexpected detours that will ultimately lead us to where He wants us to be in ministry.

So what does this have to do with Rural South Africa - As our first Outreach with our Mission Organization it taught me to go with the flow, stop trying to control everything in my family, depend on the team.  Team life isn't always easy - different people have perspectives on life that are in direct conflict with your own - even though they too love the Lord.  It was hard being the mom and I think for Tony being the dad - because we never got the down time that our teammates enjoyed.  Though they probably enjoyed less of that down time because we "The Family" were on their team.   I can honestly say that I don't think we would have made it without the team.  Not then, not under those circumstances.  We needed the team.   I guess I do hope they ended up needing us in some ways too.

I know they learned something - even if it was only how to change a diaper.

The Rubber Band of Faith - Ouch!

Do you ever have times when the amount of faith you have seems so small that it feels like a rubber band about to snap back at you at any moment?  I have those times.

Lately, I have those times a lot.

Raising support is about the hardest thing I've had to do.

I've been praying for God to release the funds for us to be able to go to our field assignment in Moldova, but I know that for whatever reason I have something to learn in this waiting.

The positive things from waiting have been complete dependency on God for everything, a lot of time spent together as a family, and as a couple.

The longer we wait the more we depend on God - when we first got back from South Africa we had a lot of people helping, feeling led to bring us food, we had people help buy our family Christmas presents, and giving us gift cards to the food store.  This is a very humbling place to be.  I was reminded by someone when I said - this is hard to not be the giver but to depend on others - that "The worker is worth their wage."  This is biblical but still hard - is this pride?  Probably.

Then I think, when I am giving out food baskets on the field - will I not understand more when someone doesn't want to take the food but does out of necessity?  I am sure this time of waiting will help me see their need from a more personal place.

God continues to give us just enough and every once in awhile surprise us with a gift.  I just got a free meal at a fast food restaurant  - which I decided to drive through out of speed and convenience not because, in all honesty, I should have or could afford to do so that day.  But God surprised me.  We ended up getting our food for free because their machine could not read the credit card or debit card I had.  It was their machine not my cards.  When they told me to just go get the food and I wouldn't be charged for it I was surprised and as I drove away I offered thanks to God.  He provided what he didn't even need to provide.

As a family we have spent more time all together then I can ever remember.   There are times when I look at my husband and have said, "Just go."  Not always in the nicest tone of voice.  Does that surprise any of you?   But for the most part we have realized how much of a family we are.  My husband truly is my best friend.  We share everything together and as we learn more about each other - trusting each other our relationship is deeper because of it.  This will most certainly help us on the field.

Our children are enjoying time with Daddy in a way that they wouldn't have if we had gone right onto the field.   We have through this last year and half learned more about each other's strengths and weaknesses.  We are learning more how to love each other and live together.  There is no way that this could be seen in the negative.

Then why do I say that I struggle with faith?  Sometimes I get caught up with how long something is taking to happen.  I truly believe that God is in control - but sometimes I think that if God is behind something there should be no waiting involved it should just happen.  There should be a time limit.  That if we really belong on the field then we should already be there.  I know that my husband has had at least one person say that if we were meant to be on the field we would already be there.  I struggle with that.  If that person is right - then why do we still feel so strongly that we are not to stay but to go.  If this is true then why does our house seem to stay rented.  As I pray and ask God where the rest of the support is to be found - why do we continue to feel that perseverance is what He is asking of us?

I am reminded of Abraham and Sarah as they waited for their promised son.  They knew what God had told them, they knew that God would be true to his word - they knew this.  Then why did their faith waiver?  Why did they struggle with how long it was taking?

God clearly - wanted them to know it was him doing it not them.

They tried to speed it up and go around the mountain in their way.  Sarah - like many women - felt that maybe it was her.  I know that many times even myself I see Sarah as a women who made a suggestion that was against God's plan.  She offered her handmaiden to her husband,  I say to her why - why are you doing this!

What do you think as a human, as a women, Sarah felt like.  Maybe she felt she was the problem.  She never could have children, in a culture where not having children was always the women's fault.  I am sure she felt desperate, she influenced her husband.  To remind you of this conversation here it is:

Genesis 16: 1-2 ESV

[16:1] Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had borne him no children. She had a female Egyptian servant whose name was Hagar. [2] And Sarai said to Abram, “Behold now, the LORD has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai.

I wonder if there was more discussion on this - or did she say it and Abram was like - "Hot dog!"  Some how, I think there might have been a bit more dialogue about the whole thing.


So what does this all have to do with me?  I think this account shows a fundamental problem with being a sinful human.  We get in front of God.  We think we see all the answers, that we know best, that if God just gave it over to us and followed our lead that we could do it better than Him.

But going back to Sarah the moment her plan was put into action was probably when she first regretted it.


[3] So, after Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Sarai, Abram's wife, took Hagar the Egyptian, her servant, and gave her to Abram her husband as a wife. [4] And he went in to Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, she looked with contempt on her mistress. [5] And Sarai said to Abram, “May the wrong done to me be on you! I gave my servant to your embrace, and when she saw that she had conceived, she looked on me with contempt. May the LORD judge between you and me!”
(Genesis 16:3-5 ESV)

Do you think that maybe Sarai - secretly hoped that she was forcing God's hand.  That She not Hagar would conceive and that God would be given the glory?  But God didn't do that, but his plan had not changed.


[Isaac's Birth Promised]
[15] And God said to Abraham, “As for Sarai your wife, you shall not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall be her name. [16] I will bless her, and moreover, I will give you a son by her. I will bless her, and she shall become nations; kings of peoples shall come from her.” [17] Then Abraham fell on his face and laughed and said to himself, “Shall a child be born to a man who is a hundred years old? Shall Sarah, who is ninety years old, bear a child?” [18] And Abraham said to God, “Oh that Ishmael might live before you!” [19] God said, “No, but Sarah your wife shall bear you a son, and you shall call his name Isaac. I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his offspring after him. [20] As for Ishmael, I have heard you; behold, I have blessed him and will make him fruitful and multiply him greatly. He shall father twelve princes, and I will make him into a great nation. [21] But I will establish my covenant with Isaac, whom Sarah shall bear to you at this time next year.”
(Genesis 17:15-21 ESV)

13!

Thirteen more years passed - it says in Genesis 17:25 that Ishmael is 13 years old.  This story both encourages me and scared me.

I want to be on the field ASAP - but God's timing is the best timing.  I want to get in front of God and make it happen.  I know what I do in my own strength will not work.  God's hand must be in it!

I know on the field I will need to trust God's timing.  I know that this waiting period will make complete sense.  I know that God has put in us this desire to do his work overseas.  So many confirmations in our lives about this.  My conflict of faith always comes when I take my eyes off of God and His plan.  When the noise of the world and the voices of the people around me that want it to happen in a timely business manner.  When I get asked the questions:

"Your still here."  "When are you leaving?"  "When do you think you'll have a departure date?"

I would love to answer those questions with this answer:

"We leave next week."  What joy will be in that statement!

Just as Sarah finally held her baby boy - named laughter!

If I continue to trust in the promise that God gave us and trust that his timing is perfect my faith won't waiver.

Pray for me that I would continue to trust God's plan for my family.
That I will trust in God's perfect timing.  His - Will, Way, and Time.

Stories from Africa: Rural South Africa - Bucket Bath 101

Disclaimer: A Bucket wash really depends on each individual person.

Supplies: Bucket, shampoo, soap in soap container, wash cloth or scrub, cup and towel.

1.  If your a girl waring a skirt, which comes off over the head is very handy!  Also removing any undergarments before going to the "shower" makes changing in a wet and sandy "shower" a lot easier.

2.  Remove clothing

3.  Use wash cloth and/or cup to get all wet, make sure your hair is soaked.

4.  Wash hair - don't use too much shampoo.

5.  Wash your body.

6.  Splash water over body to remove soap doing hair first, be extra careful to not get any soap in the water.

7.  Leave a small amount of water to rinse sand out of the shower shoes.

8.  Get dressed by standing on shower shoes, slip on skirt and top put other clothes on in a dryer location. 

This was our shower on the Rural outreach and you can see our tent in the right corner. 

Devotional: Psalm 95

God and His sense of Hearing

How can we be a joyful noise?

Hebrews 13: 15-16 

Through Him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge His name.  Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.

God and the sense of hearing

My parents are both Deaf, because of this I have always been very aware of my hearing.  Hearing is more than a sense when it comes to the word of God.  It is also something that comes from the heart, eyes and ears as well.  I could argue how the sense of taste and touch are also ways we hear God.  

A sacrifice of praise to God isn’t just a vocal utterance, but a state of being as well.  When we offer to God a heart set on worship - I believe He Hears it on a level that we can only imagine.  We don’t have to have beautiful voices set in harmony.  He hears the guttural utterance that we cry out in worship as well.  He hears the hands lifted up in silent worship as in the sign languages of the world.  They are all pleasing to Him.

What is a Joyful noise to god?

Often we think of worship as the time of singing that precedes a sermon in church.  Worship is a joyful noise to God!  In the Psalms we see lots of references to a joyful noise.

Psalms 95, 98, 100

Psalms 95: 1 - 7a

[Let Us Sing Songs of Praise]

[95:1] Oh come, let us sing to the LORD;

let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!

  [2] Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;

let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!

  [3] For the LORD is a great God,

and a great King above all gods.

  [4] In his hand are the depths of the earth;

the heights of the mountains are his also.

  [5] The sea is his, for he made it,

and his hands formed the dry land.

[6] Oh come, let us worship and bow down;

let us kneel before the LORD, our Maker!

  [7] For he is our God,

and we are the people of his pasture,

and the sheep of his hand.

 (Psalm 95 ESV)

This Psalm covers a lot of ground.  

Is God worth of our worship?  Yes!  Why?

vs  3 - For the Lord is a great God and a great King above all gods.

vs  4 - In his hands are the depths of the earth; the heights of the mountains are his also.

vs  5 - The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land. 

vs  6 - Oh come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker!

Okay so what? 

How does that connect back to Christ?

vs 1 - Oh come, let us sing to the Lord; let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!

Our Salvation comes from God through Christ Jesus.  In 1 Cor 10:4 the scriptures says ... “the Rock was Christ.”  The “Rock” is also a common OT name for God (eg. Deut 32:4, 15, 18, 30-31).  

vs 7 - For he is our God, and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand.

John 10:11 “I am the good shepherd.  The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.”

John 10:14-15  “I am the good shepherd.  I know my own and my own know me, just as the father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.”

My response to this is what?

God hears our worship in whatever way it is uttered!  Hears it as we express it from within ourselves.  Worship is more than a song we sing.  It is an attitude of the heart, the mind and our innermost being. There is a lot of noise out there that isn’t joyful.  The noise of self condemnation, the noise of our children, of the dirty dishes and so much more.  We live in a noisy world where the goal seems to be to drown out the sound of God in our lives.  We focus on the worries in life.  The worries of when we will get to do this or that, or the worry about affording certain pleasures.  

What it comes down to is this.  God hears us - he cares about us, He knows our thoughts before they are expressed in our own mind.  That is pretty amazing. 

The word says that God knows the number of hairs that are on my head. Matthew 10: 30-31  But even the hairs of your head are numbered.  Fear not therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. 

 If he knows even that about me how much more does he want me to worship Him.  He does not need our worship - He wants it.  

We all have needs in our life, but our wants give us the most joy.  

Think about it.  God WANTS to hear your worship!  Wow! let us go praise Him now!

Stories from Africa: The Long Drop -

Rural Out houses are called Long Drops:

I think because they are built up out of cement first of all they don't smell as bad as I would have thought.

Our Long Drop - Men's on left behind green curtain and women's on right

When we arrived I didn't have a problem with the long drops but the longer we stayed the more the bugs started to get to me.   When we first arrived the cockroaches stayed in their corners - Danree would shine her light at them and yell, "I hate you, I hate you."  We all got a good laugh from her bathroom antics but I didn't really have a problem until the one night when this big cockroach ran down the wall and under my right thigh.  I was trying to hurry and then the cockroach ran back out.  After that my thoughts of the Long Drop were slowly changing to dread.  I once shared at our nightly meetings how if it was my Long Drop I would paint it white, put up curtains and I would kill the bugs.  I would use lime or lye instead of the bugs and maggots.

My Long Drop

Now in our food trailer I saw this can of bug spray but no one had used it.  I wasn't sure why and I thought of using it many times.  Our last night there I decided that I wanted to kill the bugs.  At first I wasn't sure if the Pastors wife would want me to use it and so I wasn't sure if I should use it and then apologies or if I should ask permission first.  Then as we approached the Long Drop I realized that the Pastor's family was in the peanut garden picking peanuts so Wesley who was so excited about killing the cockroaches ran up and said - we are going to kill the Cockroaches.  I then asked permission - saying "We have a can of bug spray can I kill the bugs?"  She smiled and gave me a big green light to kill them.  So we went to the Long drop and set about to kill the cockroaches.

The next morning I approached the Long Drop with a bit of glee and when I saw the three big cockroaches dead on the ground I was quite happy.  I had Jaco get rid of them for me and I happily used the bug free Long Drop - wondering why I hadn't used that spray the first night.

Wesley and Irina both used the Long Drop without problems. 

Stories from South Africa - Living in Rural South Africa

Driving out to our rural outreach location was interesting - the view was awesome rolling hills, banana and orange trees - (The fruit in South Africa is awesome)!  Some of the bananas were covered in a plastic bag - I am not sure why.  The community we went to live in was rural yet not too rural.  Our goal for this outreach was to live in tents, cook over a fire, start up some ministry in the town and have a chicken experience.

 I like to say it was a bit of The Apprentice - having our own initiative  to start ministry,  Surviver since we had to cook over a fire, use a long drop (outhouse) and take bucket baths, and the Amazing Race - because this whole experience in SA was kind of like this.  The only difference was we couldn't kick anyone off.  I am sure some of my teammates wouldn't have minded kicking me off a time or two.


We arrived to Pastor James's court yard and were shown where we could set up our tents.


When we were preparing to leave for the Rural outreach we were given some advice:
1.  Your kids will be dirty get used to it.
2.  Don't let your kids play in the sand - as there are worms in the sand.
3. Cover your kids in misquote repellent before dusk.
4.  Your kids will be dirty get used to it. 

When we arrived the first thing little Lucy did was make her happy sound and lay down in the sand and start playing.  We quickly realized that it wasn't going to be possible to keep it out of it.  Irina also loved the sand - thankfully no worms.


The second thing Lucy did was poop in her diaper and then reach her hands into her diaper and spread it all over her.  We had just arrived were still figuring out where everything was located and we hadn't collected any water yet.  The bathroom consisted of a "long drop"  another name for an outhouse and the shower was accomplished with a bucket.  So I stripped her, cleaned her with wet wipes and dressed her again.  All in all it was a good initiation of our time in this rural community.


We then set out to set up our tents.  We were a mixed group of people.  There was Jonathan a young man of South African Afrikaans decent who had just turned 18 the month before.  Danree who I say is from the Brooklyn of South Africa - Cape Town who was from Indian decent.  Jaco our team leader also South African Afrikaans decent.  Then Faith our co-leader from Hong Kong China, Maria from Ohio, Tony and I from South Dakota and our three kids.  Maggie from Sweden and Donghyuk from South Korea.

Our Rural Outreach Team




We were given two tents with the idea that the children could sleep in one tent and Tony and I could sleep in the other.  We quickly realized that the African nights were too dark and there wasn't any possibility of a night light in a tent.  Also the malaria pills that we were giving our children caused some interesting nightmares.   We then thought maybe Wesley and Tony could sleep in one tent and I and the girls in another.   Wesley wanted to be in the bigger tent so it ended up with me and the kids in one tent and Tony by himself in the other tent.  I quickly put a ca-bash to that and so all five of us slept in the big tent.  It worked out, I wasn't going to be with all the kids all by myself.


So that began our 17 days of tent living.  Finding room for our stuff - trying to keep it from the edge so that the night dew wouldn't seep in, the biggest problem was the sand - every two days I would put all our stuff into the pack and play and sweep the entire tent out.  I was always amazed at the amount of sand that accumulated.


Ministry was a mixture of things.  We did some dramas for the grammar school, did an AIDS/HIV talk for the local high school.  Did house visits and prayed with people.  Played with the local children and a few of us did the sermon for the church services.   We were also able to go to a local school for the disabled after I got to know one of their Deaf students Jeffery.  It was a struggle to understand each other with my American Sign Language and the South African sign language being very different.  They did use the same finger spelling and not British finger spelling so we were able to use that a bit.  We found creative ways to communicate but at times it was quite a struggle.  The program we did at the disabled school was by far one that I remember the most and they really enjoyed it.

Me in the middle of the Deaf Education Classroom, Jeffery is on the far left with the red under-shirt.


One women I won't ever forget - was covered in sores.  It was pretty clear that she had AIDS - We were able to talk to her and pray with her.  I really felt God impress on me to share with her the story of Hagar and how God saw her.  That God loved her and saw her and wanted to know her even more.  I won't ever forget that women for me she really impressed on me how much God loves us all and wants to meet us where we are at.  That his love is all covering and there is nothing He doesn't know and through it all He loves us.


Struggles of the Rural outreach were many.  It was challenging to live in a small tent for 17 days and Tony and I had our share of arguments and frustrations as we balanced doing ministry and children.  Our team was very helpful and shared the load of watching the children so that Tony and I could do some ministry together.  We had some personality conflicts that I won't ever forget, but through it all we were brother and sisters in Christ and in that we grew and God used us to encourage the church and the community.

Devotional - Matt 25:31-40

Feed My Sheep

Team Devotional

South Africa

Looking at missions as a family is different than looking as a single.  We have a whole family to consider.  Both Tony and I felt that we were heading to Russia.  Tony’s desire is to do disaster relief, development kind of work.  I am a teacher by education, certified American Sign Language interpreter by trade and a Deaf advocate from birth.  So when OM said that Russia wouldn’t work with our skill set.   Was it Russia or Disaster work?  We responded that it was disaster work.

The placement women at the US office said she would look and see what work is out there– She first came back with Austria.  I had seen the job listing in Austria and thought it would fit with Tony’s skill set.  I wasn’t sure how it fit with mine but it seemed a confirmation to me.  Then the door for Austria started to close.  Since we are not a member of the European Union and didn’t have a way to become one.  We had opened up where we were “willing” to go to, any former Russian country and most of the “Stans.” 

The placement advisor had worked in a stan herself and had on a few occasions suggested it as a needy place.  My gut reaction – “I am not taking my children to that country!”  I was dead set against it.  She explained the work they have there – a Deaf school and disaster work.  I saw that the work there fit with both my skills and Tony’s  - it was almost too good a fit.   I also could see that Tony was very interested in it.  I was not willing to even discuss it – I was not going to go there!

Then I decided I should pray about it.  I sensed God calling me to pray.  I was feeding Lucy – who at the time was probably about 1 month old.  I felt God asking me Why not?  I told God.  “I can’t take my children there God.”

Who’s Children?  God asked.

Okay your Children – but you gave them to me!

Very quietly God said – “Feed my Sheep.  The sheep I give you, not the ones you want to feed.”

After laying Lucy down to sleep I went downstairs and I told Tony  - okay we can’t rule it out.  We will head in this direction until, or unless God shows us something different.

In the back of my mind I still heard God’s voice – Feed my Sheep. 

What does it mean to feed God’s sheep?

Sometime later I decided to do a word study.  How many of you have done a word study before?

I knew the verse that feed my sheep came from so I started there: 

John 21:15-17  (read it from the bible – myself or someone else)

From that I came up with a list of words

Feed, Tend, Sheep, lamb, shepherd, disciple, world, Go and bread

I won’t go over all the verses I found; there were a lot of them.  I read them and came to:

Matt 25: 31-40  - here was my answer – How do I feed God’s sheep?  It boils down to this portion of scripture.  

I was hungry – you fed me

I was thirsty – you gave me drink

I was a stranger – you became my friend

I was naked – you gave me clothes

I was sick – you visited me

I was in prison – you came to be with me

When did we do this?  VS. 40.  When you did this to the least among you, you did it to me.

So the question you have to answer for yourself is who are the least in the world today for you. 

What sheep does God want you to feed, tend, clothe? 

Is it the homeless?
The orphaned?
The mentally ill?
Is it the street children?
Is it those who are in slavery?

The Sheep God has for us are all over the world, they may even be in your backyard.  Just be willing to Go where God leads and be used by him. 

Starry Night... Chris August

I really like this song - like being a sweet aroma - so is being a light to a dark world.  When we reflect the SON others see Christ in us.  I am not always shining fully, I have my phases where I don't shine as brightly as I would like but with Him in me - He is the light that I want others to see in me!  Okay so maybe that is a little cheesy but a bit of cheese is very tasty now and then. 

He is everything!

Journal Entries from South Africa - Feb. 26, 2009

Things are a bit better, the director still feels that we both don't go, but he talked to the head director and they decided to see what the Dr. said.  The Dr. said there is medicine for the children - the same kind we will all talk.  So the director will talk to the home office and if it is okay with them, then he will let us all go.  If we still want to.

I shared with my care group leader that the director doesn't want us to go and that was why my silent day didn't go so well.  He told me that people with families go to this area all the time.  He wanted to see us get to go to the Rural outreach as a family.  He also said, "Doesn't he know where your planning on going?"  I said I told him that as well.

Then a little later the other care group leader said that she made an appointment with the Dr. for Monday to get the kids weighed.  She knew me well enough to figure we would be going.  I asked if she had problems with us going there?  She said no, and the Dr. didn't either.  In fact she said she would want to take her own kids too.

That sealed it for us, that unless the home office comes back with a no go, that we are going as a family to the rural outreach.

So... I know this outreach will be difficult!  I have to pray about it and really give it to God, because it isn't going to be all fun and games.  If the kids get sick we are going to be in tents so it could be a mess!
I am praying with an expectant heart for a good trip.

The Things I Don't Say - entry 1

First of all I am not going to spill my guts here so if you were looking for a tell all blog post, the inner ragings of a missionary rasing support your not going to get it.  At least by the time I make this ready to post your not.

There are just a lot of things I don't say.  Have you ever had someone say something with such conviction and know they are totally wrong but say nothing because really what is the point?  They are just listening to themselves talk and are not going to listen to you anyway.  You say a silent prayer as you try to control the thing that you just wish you could say that would make no difference anyway - you maybe vent to your spouse later about what was said and what you wanted to say and just couldn't.

I have those feelings now and then.  Certainly not with everyone or all the time but a lot.  I look like the mild manner girl with a joyful spirit - and you know - most days it really is how I am feeling.  I don't beat around the bush but sometimes I don't get as excited as everyone expects me - because I know how much work has gone into this magical thing.

Oh, I don't know - this probably makes no sense.

Like blogs for instance what are they for?  Are they a money making scheme with no purpose other than to cash in without having to leave home?  What will these blogs say to our children?  How limited our knowledge really was?  Will anyone care?  Does anyone really care now?

Public diary - about weight loss, homeschooling, photos, crafts, etc.  It puts people out there into a public forum to display their talents to a world that is seeking information like a heat seeking missile tracks, aims and impacts its target.  We are flooded with information, words, imagines day in and day out yet we have this need to share our own thoughts and ideas.  Is it because in all this we feel somewhat invisible?

I have no followers on this blog and realize that probably no one reads it.  Is that important to me?  Important that I get this major traffic flow on my personal thoughts and ideas - when really I am too afraid to say the things I really would like to say?

I stop the flow of words form my heart out my fingertips as my mind flashes through word choices and try to make somewhat coherent sentences that share a bit about me to a world that ultimately doesn't even blip that I am alive?

God cares.

I watched the movie Expelled the other day the one about Intelligent Design.  I'm one of those idiots that Richard Dawkins always talks about with such contempt.  I wonder sometimes why he cares so much because if he is right then why does he care if I teach my children about a God he says doesn't exists or a theory he says has no merit.  If the survival of the fittest is true - my kind should die out eventually.  If he is right and he has it all figured out with no questions...

At the end of that movie - Ben Stein is interviewing him and it is the most comical interview I have seen in a long time.  Richard Dawkins is totally not in control of this interview - the first time I think where he hasn't been in an interview that I have heard him in.  He ends up talking about how one possible source of the first living cells was that an alien race came here and seeded this planet with life.

This makes more sense then a God by they way.

An ALIEN RACE came and seeded human life?   Please!

Another "scientist"  says - that life could have been formed on crystals.

This makes more sense than a God?

My son who is 7 all on his own went to discuss God with the neighbor.  He is always very concerned where people are going when they die.  The neighbor told him that there was no God and that we are all just chemicals.

My son very pointedly told him - "If that were true - then it would be all darkest and there would be nothing."

The things I don't say - are measured against the things others feel they have to say and have to convince me of.  I watched a debate recently where it was argued that there is no proof of answered prayer.  That they have been trying to study prayer and can find no correlation with prayer and the outcomes that are measurable.

I wondered how can you measure a prayer?  Is it possible to measure it in terms that are not wrapped up in emotion and love?  I have lots of prayers that God has answered - proof in my very life's blood of a God that cares for me and chooses to hear my prayers.  Are they always answered the way I want?  No!  But they are all answered.  One prayer took over 10 years for me to see the evidence of it.  It was a long term prayer and it is by no means a small thing.  Measurable?  Maybe not in the way this gentlemen wanted, but there is proof in the pudding if you get my drift.

So I will continue to not say everything I want to say.  I will continue to put my trust in a God that can take care of me and this whole world a lot better than I can.  No matter if anyone reads this blog or not.

Devotional: The Proverbs 31 women

Feisty Female Fears the Lord!  

An Excellent Wife is a Leader!

Proverbs 31

In looking at leaders in the Bible there are many to choose from but none that I really saw reflecting my life.  I am first and foremost a follower of Christ - and right now Christ has me ministering at “home” with family.  I am a wife and mother first.  In looking through the bible there are not very many great examples of wives.  We could look at Abraham's wife, Sarah, however she convinces her husband to sleep with her hand-maiden to gain the heir that the Lord has promised.  We certainly can’t look at Job’s wife who told her husband to curse God.  So we will go to the example set forth by King Lemuel that his mother taught him.  Is this a real women?  Probably not, but it is set up as an ideal for the Jewish nation.  In Ruth 3:11 Boaz states; “Now, my daughter, do not fear.  I will do for you whatever you ask, for all my people in the city know that you are a woman of excellence.”   Also, Proverbs 12: 4 “An Excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.”  In looking at the wife in Proverbs 31 I saw three arenas of leadership: Family, Fellowman, and Finances.  All wives play a role in all three areas. 

In family a women often wears many hats, that of wife, mother and  housewife.  Proverbs 31 labels the three areas in these verses:   Wife: Vs. 10-12  “An excellent wife, who can find?  For her worth is far above jewels.  The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain.  She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Mother:  Vs. 15  “She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens.  Housewife:  Vs. 27 “She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.”

In my own life, as a wife, mother and housewife, I do not attain the level of this wife.  I know that I don’t rise as early as the Proverbs 31 women, but I provided meals, keep the house and attend to the children’s school work through homeschooling.   Also, I am instilling in them the “fear” of the Lord in their daily lives.  My husband trusts my advice and listens to me with consideration.  Together, we look to the future and like the Proverb 31 women in verse 25;  I smile at the future as I know that it is in God’s hands.  

Extending a hand to her fellowman the Proverb 31 women in verse 20 states: “She extends her hand to the poor; and stretches out her hands to the needy.   If you look back to Deuteronomy 15:11 “For the poor will never cease to be in the land; Therefore I command you saying You shall freely open your hand to your brother to your needy and poor in your land.”  The Proverbs 31, women lives out this command.  

In our own family, we have decided to go to the “ends of the earth.”  As a women and a mother of small children this didn’t come easy to me.  I did not want to take my children to this place.  But God challenged me by asking me to whom these children really belong.  In relinquishing control over my own children - like Abraham did with Isaac on mount Moriah.  I realized that I had absolutely no control of the fate of my children no matter where we would live.  God told me to feed his sheep,  The sheep he wanted to give me.  While I do believe my children are a type of sheep for me.  God also told Peter to feed his sheep.  In looking at who God’s sheep are, I discovered,

Matthew 25: 35-36: “For I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink; I was a stranger and you invited me in; naked and you clothed me: I was sick and you visited me; I was in prison and you came to me.”

I do believe that a women of God, an excellent wife - is one that will go with her husband to the ends of the earth, to extend a hand to the poor and disfranchised.

The Proverb 31 women also treats her fellow man with kindness.  In verse 26 we find “She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”

How does that relates to me in leadership? By going to a “hard country,” a lot will be said about my husband through the way that we interact with the community.   I could very easily discredit our witness by my actions as a women.  Proverbs 19:14 states: “.. A prudent wife is from the Lord,”

My final area of the Proverbs 31 wife, is in the area of finances. Here a wife can be a helper or a hinderance.  A women who is mindful of the family’s wealth can increase a family or it can decrease through unwise spending.  The Proverbs 21 women is a landowner, a wine farmer, and a craftsman.  

Proverbs 31:16 “She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard.”  in 31: 24 “She makes linen garments and sells them and supplies belts to the tradesmen.”  She is a women who is confident in making independent transactions which increase the family’s wealth.  

In my own life, I have helped with the family finances by staying home with our children,  working part-time as an American Sign Language Interpreter, sold children books and currently we are renting our home.  I can not say that I feel the freedom to buy or develop property independently of my husband.  I also don’t think he would buy land without consulting me.  

In conclusion, Proverbs 31:29-31 states:  “Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.  Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.  Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.”

This line is important because who is at the gates?  

Proverbs 31:23 says,   “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.”

This Proverb must have raised a few eyebrows among the Jewish community.  What a challenging Proverb for both men and women.  A women can be kept back from realizing her full potential in leadership - limited in her service to God and man.  Or  doors can be opened up for a Feisty Female Leader.  

Journal Entries from South Africa - Feb 25, 2009

I'm extremely upset right now.  I just learned that the director doesn't want us to all go on the Rural outreach.  He wants only one of us to go.

Am I to trust God to go to the hard places with my kids or do I get out of it and stay here?  Do we trade off?

The director just stopped by our cabin - he wanted to talk to Tony.

Please help me accept this, I don't want to leave my kids for over two weeks either.  I don't know what to do.  Why is this so difficult?  Why do I want to go so bad with the kids?  If I can't go how can I show respect to authority?  Can I plead my case?  Can I go to a higher authority?

Journal Entries from South Africa - Feb. 24 2009

I'm to look at my life and decide what God wants me to face, to deal with the pain and hurt in my life to admit acknowledge it - tell my story, express all the feelings and beliefs around it and give the pain, hurt , lies to my Lord Jesus.  Inviting Him to heal me of these pains, lies and allow Him to love me unconditionally then allow him to bring healing and restoration into my life so that I can forgive and release offenders.  Presenting of my sinful responses.

***I am omitting - the individual items that I wrote down - they don't belong on this forum. ***

Foundation for who I am
I am not who I say I am
I am not who you say I am
I am who God says I am!

Spirit of God come have your way in me!

Journal Entries from South Africa - scripture memorization

2 Tim 3: 16-17
All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.

2 Peter 1: 20 -21
But know this first of all, that no prophecy of scripture is a matter of one's own interpretation, for no prophecy was ever made by an act of human will, but men moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God.

Acts 1:8
but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be my witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and even to the remotest part of the earth.

Devotional: 2 Corinthians 2:14-17

God and His sense of Smell

How can we be a sweet aroma of the knowledge of him in everyplace?

2 Corinthians 2: 14-17

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.  For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing; to the one an aroma from death to death, to the other an aroma from life to life.  And who is adequate for these things?  For we are not like many, peddling the word of God, but as from sincerity, but as from God, we speak in Christ in the sight of God. 

God and the sense of Smell

This verse has lead me on many a scriptural bunny trail!  

First, I was thinking of God and how we are made in his image.  He had a sense of smell, taste, touch, hearing and sight.  How do we please him in these ways and how does he manifest himself in these ways.  This is a great study idea that I plan to pursue.  Because I love this verse so much I went back to this idea of God and his 5 senses.  In this verse we can be a sweet aroma to God - His sense of smell. 

What is a sweet aroma to god?

To find this I went back to the old testament.  There are 17 references to a sweet or fragrant aroma to God in Leviticus alone.  They all relate to the sacrifices offered up to God.  

Leviticus 1: 9,13,17,  2:2,9,12,  3:5,16,  4:31, 6:15,21,  8:21,28, 17:6, 23:13,18, 26:31

Okay so what? 

So if sacrifice was pleasing to God in the OT how does that translate into the NT and to Christ.  I love to see and follow all the connections found in the OT to Christ in the NT!

The verses in 2 Cor 2:15-16 goes on to say that in some way we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and those who are perishing; or in other words to those who come to accept Christ through our lives and those who do not.  To the one an aroma from death to death, to the other an aroma from life to life.  To some the smell of Christ on us repels them, to others the smell of Christ on us leads them to Christ.  

And who is adequate for these things?  Ah - this begs the answer - NO ONE! ...I in myself can not make anyone accept Christ.  Except who?  Christ! Christ was a pleasing sacrifice.  His life was the whole point right - we are not adequate only Christ.  BUT!  Now here is the exciting part. 

When we accept Christ as our savior we are no longer dead in our sins!  We are alive in Christ - but now we get to offer our lives up as a living Sacrifice - Romans 12:1.  An offering of self. 

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God which is your spiritual worship.

My response to this is?

Thankfully the way each of us offer our bodies as living sacrifices isn’t the same.  The aroma of Christ changes us both from the inside out and the outside in.   Each of us have to look at what God has put into our lives and understand how that looks or smells.  Dying to self is not easy - but if we have accept Christ - this should be reflected in our life.  It only takes a little bit of Him and others can pick up on His scent.  It has penetrated us from the outside.  And from the outside people will see the difference inside.  This is a life long process of being a sacrifice to God.

Also posted on Common Momma Blog: here