The Things I Don't Say - entry 1

First of all I am not going to spill my guts here so if you were looking for a tell all blog post, the inner ragings of a missionary rasing support your not going to get it.  At least by the time I make this ready to post your not.

There are just a lot of things I don't say.  Have you ever had someone say something with such conviction and know they are totally wrong but say nothing because really what is the point?  They are just listening to themselves talk and are not going to listen to you anyway.  You say a silent prayer as you try to control the thing that you just wish you could say that would make no difference anyway - you maybe vent to your spouse later about what was said and what you wanted to say and just couldn't.

I have those feelings now and then.  Certainly not with everyone or all the time but a lot.  I look like the mild manner girl with a joyful spirit - and you know - most days it really is how I am feeling.  I don't beat around the bush but sometimes I don't get as excited as everyone expects me - because I know how much work has gone into this magical thing.

Oh, I don't know - this probably makes no sense.

Like blogs for instance what are they for?  Are they a money making scheme with no purpose other than to cash in without having to leave home?  What will these blogs say to our children?  How limited our knowledge really was?  Will anyone care?  Does anyone really care now?

Public diary - about weight loss, homeschooling, photos, crafts, etc.  It puts people out there into a public forum to display their talents to a world that is seeking information like a heat seeking missile tracks, aims and impacts its target.  We are flooded with information, words, imagines day in and day out yet we have this need to share our own thoughts and ideas.  Is it because in all this we feel somewhat invisible?

I have no followers on this blog and realize that probably no one reads it.  Is that important to me?  Important that I get this major traffic flow on my personal thoughts and ideas - when really I am too afraid to say the things I really would like to say?

I stop the flow of words form my heart out my fingertips as my mind flashes through word choices and try to make somewhat coherent sentences that share a bit about me to a world that ultimately doesn't even blip that I am alive?

God cares.

I watched the movie Expelled the other day the one about Intelligent Design.  I'm one of those idiots that Richard Dawkins always talks about with such contempt.  I wonder sometimes why he cares so much because if he is right then why does he care if I teach my children about a God he says doesn't exists or a theory he says has no merit.  If the survival of the fittest is true - my kind should die out eventually.  If he is right and he has it all figured out with no questions...

At the end of that movie - Ben Stein is interviewing him and it is the most comical interview I have seen in a long time.  Richard Dawkins is totally not in control of this interview - the first time I think where he hasn't been in an interview that I have heard him in.  He ends up talking about how one possible source of the first living cells was that an alien race came here and seeded this planet with life.

This makes more sense then a God by they way.

An ALIEN RACE came and seeded human life?   Please!

Another "scientist"  says - that life could have been formed on crystals.

This makes more sense than a God?

My son who is 7 all on his own went to discuss God with the neighbor.  He is always very concerned where people are going when they die.  The neighbor told him that there was no God and that we are all just chemicals.

My son very pointedly told him - "If that were true - then it would be all darkest and there would be nothing."

The things I don't say - are measured against the things others feel they have to say and have to convince me of.  I watched a debate recently where it was argued that there is no proof of answered prayer.  That they have been trying to study prayer and can find no correlation with prayer and the outcomes that are measurable.

I wondered how can you measure a prayer?  Is it possible to measure it in terms that are not wrapped up in emotion and love?  I have lots of prayers that God has answered - proof in my very life's blood of a God that cares for me and chooses to hear my prayers.  Are they always answered the way I want?  No!  But they are all answered.  One prayer took over 10 years for me to see the evidence of it.  It was a long term prayer and it is by no means a small thing.  Measurable?  Maybe not in the way this gentlemen wanted, but there is proof in the pudding if you get my drift.

So I will continue to not say everything I want to say.  I will continue to put my trust in a God that can take care of me and this whole world a lot better than I can.  No matter if anyone reads this blog or not.